How to Jumpstart Labor

My daughter had a friend who's baby was over due so she wanted to try a home grown remedy to get things started. Someone suggest a not so reliable but well known solution, so she went to the store to purchase what she needed, while she was there she decided to call me for some recommendations. She calls and says I found the oil but I don't know what weight to buy. I'm confused as to if she means # of ozs in a can or what, so I ask what her choices are. She tells me there are several cans that say 10W30 and 10W60. After a few seconds of more confusion I realize what she is looking at and tell her NOT Castrol Motor Oil you goofy blonde, Castor Vegetable Oil.

New York Makes Homeless Someone Else Problem

Instead of addressing the problem of the homeless New York has chosen to buy them one way tickets out of the state. This would be fine if they were helping with transportation to an area with jobs for the people once they arrive, however the only requirement is that a family member live in the area.
How does increaring the homeless population in another state or country help solve the problem?
Apparently New York is only concerned with removing the problem from their state and is not concerned about the impact on other states.

Therapist Wants Free World of Warcraft Accounts.

A British therapist wants free access to WoW so that he can counsel "at risk" teens and children who are addicted to the game.
My serious opinion first. This will open the possibility of providing perverts with a perfect way to introduce themselves to children and gain their trust in the game.
"Hello I'm Dr Soandso, do you have a few minutes to talk? I have been authorized by Blizzard to discuss game related real life situations and would like to find out more about you."
How is anyone going to be able to tell if the person sending the message is really who they say they are? Even if Blizz makes the idiot decision to allow this to happen and gives the therapist a moderator chat application, kids won't recognize the difference between the fake message and the real message.
On a less serious note. I can imagine the response from players in the midst of fighting with 25% health left and they get a message from a therapist wanting to dicuss game addiction. Oh yeah I think Blizz will need to create a special policy for this so that 90% of players aren't banned for their responses.
All the way around this is a really bad idea.

How My Dad Got Rid of a Mooch.

My dad was the type who if had to confront a problem he would, however he usually tried to find a solution that left everyone still friends.
There was this one time when a friend of his showed up every night at dinner time, and of course my parents invited him to share our meal.This would have been all fine and good except the man limited his conversation to "yup", "nope", "I cain't rightly say" or reminding my brothers, my sister and me that "children are to be seen and not heard" It finally came to a head when my mom overheard the man tell my dad that he needed to find a good woman to marry that knew her place was in the kitchen. Oh yeah my mom was on the warpath and my dad was in jeopardy of moving into the doghouse, literally.
The next night the guy shows up at dinner time, my dad invites him to stay and share our meal. It went the same as always with one slight change. After we had finished our meal my dad put all the dinner plates on the floor, let the dogs lick them clean, and then put them away in the kitchen cabinets.For some reason that was the last time we saw the guy at meal time.

E Network Bans Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag!

In June the E network announced that they were banning the Speidi Brats from he E network. E online wrote a full page story explaining that the E television network had banned the self promoting couple. Ok so writing a story about not writing any more stories seems to be promoting these two in my opinion. *shrug*
However E did include a bit of a disclaimer stating that if Heidi became pregnant they "might" find that newsworthy enough to report.
Spencer Pratt has proven he is the type to take this as both a suggestion and dare so here's my theory on what he might think up.
Spencer decides to de-throne Octomom by having Heidi implanted with 10 embryo's and sells the rights to cover the pregnanc to the highest bidder.
Once the babies are born Spencer then replaces Jon & Kate with "Speidi Decuplets Unscripted"
As soon as the decuplets are old enough to talk Spencer will have them singing and dancing their way into their own show " 10-canSingers"
By the time their teens he can have them ready for "NYC the Real Prep World"
The scary part is Spencer Pratt might actually come up with a scenario like this.

A bit more about me and my blog.

I view life with a twisted, warped and demented sense of humor. I grew up in a family filled with people always looking for a joke in everything. The more serious the subject, the less seriously they viewed it.They believed laughter was food for the soul. Without laughter the soul dies and the only humans that survive are politcians.
Why did I decide to do my own blog page?
A: I'm old, I have PMS, I'm going thru menopause, I'm slightly senile and this combination makes me not responsible for my actions.
B: I realized I can embarrass my family and friends by blogging on the internet.
C: Someone keeps leaving the puter turned on unsupervised when I have the credit card, and since they all know better, its their fault.
D: Humor makes the world go round and comics rich so I may as well cash in on it too.
E: All of the above.I have absolutely no control over how my mind works.
A friend of mine once commented that having a conversation with me was liketalking to several different people all at the same time. I told her I would have a talk with me, myself and I and encourage them to take turns talking, but me, myself and I were stubborn and unreasonable so I had doubts that it would do any good.
It has also been suggested that I try to organize my thoughts and remember to present them in some sort of sequence. At my age if I remember to organize my thoughts so I know the correct sequence for going to the bathroom, I'm ecstatic!
This is my place to share my unique views on our world and the people around us, as well as introducing you to my crazy family.Please come in, take your shoes off, spray your feet with Febreeze, and make yourself at home. If you like what you see y'all come back now, you hear.

Government Spends $100,000 for Engraving!?!?!

The US Congress voted to spend $100,000 to engrave "In God we trust" on the Capitol Visitors Center, why?
How can adding a cosmetic change for this amount of money be justified at this time in the US? For $100,000 you could serve 20,000 school lunch's for an entire school year, or pay 4 teacher's salaries, or pay for 2,000 full time college students to go to school.
At a time when states are cutting educational benefits and teachers salaries how does it make sense to spend this amount of money in such an idiotic manner?

Whatever Happened to Jabba the Hut? He RUSHed into Radio and Television

Jabba the Hut is a oily, gelatinous pile of slime which brings me to the subject of Rush Limbaugh. Comparing Jabba to Limbaugh is unfair since Jabba is more attractive as well as more intelligent. As you can tell I have absolutely no respect for Rush Limbaugh.
His opinions are based on research, facts and common sense, huh?
When Limbaugh says "I'm not making this up folks." he's probably telling the truth. He pays someone to make it up for him, so he can claim ignorance if challenged. His views show how ignorant he really is.

Enuff Snuff

On the subject of snuff.
I don't have an aversion to snuff because of the danger warnings to a persons health, I detest the nasty toxic waste because I grew up in an area where 90% of the houses you went into had a container to spit that vile stuff into. You notice I didn't says spittoons, I said container. It can be a coffee can, cooking pan, cookie jar, beer bottles basically any container larger than a thimble. For some reason unknown to the intellectual world the containers are placed in every corner on the opposite side of the room from where the chewer is sitting. The person then spits in the general direction of the container and usually misses, hitting the wall, the floor, the carpet, the cat and well anything else within a 6 ft radius of the container, but rarely getting it inside the container. Aside from the smell, there is the brown poopy looking smeared design that is seriously NOT a good room make over design choice.
If the odor doesn't kill you, the visual makes you wish it had.
Then there is the relationships aspect of chewing snuff. When you see your partner spit a stream of poopy brown, slimy toxic waste out of his mouth, thats a real romance killer. It like dude if you think your using that mouth anywhere within 100 yards of my body sometime between now and uhh never you need reality therapy.
Then there is the oh so attractive snuff cheek bulge. The mumps look went out of style when you were... wait the mumps look never was in style.
As for the delightfully colorful layer of gross on a persons teeth, never mind I won't be able to write my opinion with out several trips to bathroom, gagging all the way. Draw your own conclusions.
Chewing snuff is a personal choice, and I understand every human over the age of consent has the right to make moronic choices even if it makes their homes and mouth a toxic waste site.

Racist Christian the Ultimate Oxymoron

I have never understood how someone can claim to be a Christian in one breath and make prejudicial racist remarks in the next.Lets try breaking down the facts in a logical manner.A childs Jewish heritage, their place in a Jewish family is through their mothers bloodline. Therefore Christ was Jewish. There is no where in the Bible where he repudiated his mother or the Jewish faith, so at the time of his death he was still Jewish.Bethlehem is located in Palestine, which is in the middle east. While there is some arguement as to if Palestine is on the continent of Asia, Africa or Europe, there is no dispute that it is in the middle east.Christ was a carpenter by trade and as such he worked in the sun a great deal.Following this line of logic we can surmise that Christ was:An African, Palestinian, Jew or in the street vernacular loosely translated, an sand African Jew.An Asian, Palestinian, Jew or in the street vernacular loosely translated, a Chinese, Jew.An European, Palestinian, Jew, and in that case it depends on which country you associate his race with as to which street vernacular slur would be used.People from the middle east are naturally dark skinned, and as a carpenter Christs skin would have even been darker, so any way you look at it Christ was dark brown or black.So exactly how can bigots claim to be Christians while making racial slurs against Christs heritage through his Jewish mother, the color of the skin of the people he descended from and lived amongst, the country and continent where he was born and lived, or a combination of all?